I Wonder What It Feels Like

I wonder what it feels like

To be loved, truly loved for who you are

I wonder what it feels like

To be someone's bright and shining star

I wonder what it feels like

To be his everything, his cherished treasure

I wonder what it feels like

To be his love, not only his pleasure

I wonder what it feels like

To be chased instead of chasing him

I wonder what it feels like

To know he'll love you upon every whim

I wonder what it feels like

To be beautiful, not only on the inside

I wonder what it feels like

To be open with him, and not want to run and hide

There Was A Time

There was a time I thought love existed

Until the day came love just walked away

I often find myself shaking, crying these tears

And I'm afraid of losing him this way

There was a time I thought I was finally happy

Until the day came that my whole world fell apart

I sit alone in the dark mourning the loss...

That love finally decided to break my heart

There was a time I thought I could believe

Until the day came, everything said was lies

I often go back on the words we said to each other

And find myself shattered... but I can't give up and die

There was a time... I tried to win him back

Until the day came... I realized he doesn't want me

I vowed I would never give up on him... I just can't

But I'm afraid there is no room in his heart for me

There was a time... 

That I wanted to die

But giving up everything

Would be the worst lie

I Think I Lost My Way

I think I lost my way

I lost my will to live

I'm fighting to get out

I have nothing left to give

I think I lost my way

I don't know if there is hope

I'm fighting for my love and sanity

I guess this is how I will cope

I think I lost my way

I can't stop thinking of him

I don't eat or sleep anymore

I feel like everything has gone dim

I think I lost my way

I wish there was a way out

I just sit here and cry

I can't even scream and shout

No Title Yet

I can't go back

My mind is made up

There is no other choice

But to fight for what's mine

I love him

He knows this

And I will fight for him

No matter how long it takes

I can't go back

Going back means there's no hope

No hope means I have no life

So I can't go back

I must fight with all that's in me

And show him what he means

Show him how much I love him

And cling to him

He is mine

I am his

He doesn't think so now

But deep in his heart he knows the truth

He can feel it when he thinks of me

He can feel it when he cries

There's no going back

There's no erasing what we have

Our love was meant to be

I love him

And I am not giving him up

I will fight until it destroys me!

I Tried

I tried so hard to be the best

I tried to be better than the rest

I tried to be the one that you'll love

I tried to be gentle as a dove

I tried to be the woman of your dreams

But trying was useless it seems

I tried and I failed so bad

Now my broken heart has me sad

I can't stop crying even if I try

And I bet you don't even know why

I tried to be your everything 

It was you that made my heart sing

I tried and I tried but all I did was fail

This can't be the end of this tale

I have hope yet and love to give

I will keep trying for you... I will live

I can't stop loving you like you did me

I can't just let go... I wish you could see

I tried to believe the things you once said

But now I know the lies that are in my head

I tried to be something, but I am just trash

To be tossed way... it seems my love was rash

I tried and I tried but you gave up on us

Now I just want to ride the suicide bus

I know I can't just end my life because I still have hope

Plus I know you love me still, it's how I can cope!

Promises

You promised me you'd love me forever

But for some reason forever didn't last long

You promised me that you would never hurt me

But somehow your promise turned so very wrong

You promised me that you'd wait for me 

Even if it took longer than you expected it to 

You promised me we would have this happy life

But that's a broken promise that'll never come true

You told me that you waited so long to have me

That why would you give me up? But look what you did

You made promises that you never intended to keep

Because our love for some reason you wanted to get rid

Oh How I Wish

Oh how I wish I could see myself through your eyes

To see this beautiful person you seem to always see

To see me without all my many flaws and blemishes

But to know that love that you have in there for me

Oh how I wish I could see this great beauty you see 

When you tell me how beautiful I am every single day

But for some reason I can only see the darker side of me

And I don't know what it is that you seem to always say...

Oh how I wish... just to see me... as you always do

Because I know that even though I am flawed you love me

And you will always be there for me no matter what 

Because it's you that has helped my spirit to be free!

Without a Trace

I'm going to let the dark take me

They whisper to me when I am alone

I'm going to go with them there

It'll be another life, another zone

I'm going to go away now

You'll never see me ever again

If there's something you want to say

You should say it before this all begins

I'm gonna allow the abyss to swallow me

And take me to that deep dark place

I have given up this daily fight

I will be gone... without a trace...

I Want

I want to hear those three words

From him each and every day

I want to feel the love that his has

And to hear it in his voice this day

I want to feel those words seep inside 

As he tells me what I mean to him

I want to know that I am his everything

And not just some kind of passing whim

I want to feel like the beauty he says I am

But deep inside I feel like an ugly soul

But I feel from him this deep adoring love

He was the one to mend my heart's hole

I want to have a future life with him 

As I know he wants this same thing

For when I hear him tell me all this 

My heart and soul, I can feel them sing

If there is a God...

If there is a God

please let me die

I don't want to see the light of day

Please let me leave

this wretched place

the pain is too horrible to stay

If there is a God

hear my plea

I need to get out of the way

Please allow me to go

to someplace peaceful

where my life wouldn't decay

If there is a God

hear my prayers

please listen, there's nothing more to say

Day by Day

I live my life day by day

Sometimes in joy, sometimes in pain

I work so I can have a good future

But often I wonder what is it I have to gain?

I live my life day by day

Sometimes I wish for things unsaid

Like a healthy life with the man I love

Instead of the pain and all the things I dread.

I live my life day by day

To escape the pain I'll write poems or paint

I'm not a grand beauty or someone special at all

And Lord knows I'm no kind of Saint!

I live my life day by day

The mistakes I make are mine to keep

So I can learn from them and hopefully change

And to smile more instead of these tears I weep.

A Life

I want a life without the envy

A life full of love and hope

I want this life with you by my side

Because you will help me cope

I want a life with surprises galore 

With lots of laughter and so much joy

A life with the man that I adore 

Where I am his partner, not his toy

I want a life full of so much love 

It would be my dream come true

And I know he wants this as much as me

Because I know that he loves me too